premonition(STELLAR) . "i'm back!"

Okay, blog is re-opened. Do you see a new layout? Good, cuz I don't. :P I just need some place to rant in light of the recent events that happened to me these couple of days.

The truth is, I made a big mistake. Possibly the biggest and I'm hoping it'll be the last. A little advice to everyone: Keep your friendship. Cherish them for they are precious. Only after you've lost it will you realize the true value of it. (read: don't be stupid and fuck it all up like me. -_-;;)

I'm not beating myself up because of it though. I promised myself that. So you ask me. What the hell happened, Khoa? I don't feel comfortable about saying it. But I will... You see, it all started a little short of a year ago. I had met this wonderful girl on the internet while bored (for some reason, things always happen when you're bored). We started talking and kept close touch with each other. Not a day went by when her name wasn't on my mind. We became the best of friends and even fell in love afterwards. But, being foolish teenagers like us, we did not know the meaning of "love". She made me feel very special. Then it all ended, not so long ago.

I remember though. The first time she said she loved me. At first, I raised an eyebrow. I didn't know what to expect. But I admit, it felt very good. The peculiar sensation, I don't know if I can ever get it again. Of course, that's too late now. It was the first time when a girl had said something like that to me. And honestly too. Not paid either. Anyway...

She had stopped saying she loved me and I was wondering why. I asked the question, only hinting it, of course. She doesn't understand me. So I fluttered around the subject. I decided to just ask. After that, everything falls apart.

Now... There's a certain hole within me. The feeling of "completeness" is no longer there. I'm confused and bitter. I don't know what she's thinking or feeling. The friendship that we had is lost.

You see... one stupid comment can ruin everything. So to all the future lovers out there, keep your friendships, let them bloom beautifully. Love can always come later. A love that starts out as two people being best friends outlasts that of one that starts right away from complete strangers.

There are some bright side to my story though. I'd like to thank these two for trying to cheer me up: Lameass and god. You're the ones who kept me from hurting myself. Nevermind the names. It's an inside joke.

14 COMMENTS
but, i'm not broken
in my dream i win
in here i'm nothing
a cosmic castaway

Khoa | 04/24/2003 12:12 AM CST

EVERYBODY! I'm fine... ^^;; All that is over with now. I'm looking for someone who'll take a lonely bear (kwala bear... nickname... insidejoke... nevermind >.>) and keep it inside their heart. :PPPP

Isabel | 04/20/2003 02:29 PM CST

Please Feel better. Something like that happened to me, adn it ruined the best friendship i've ever had. Your right, friendship wayyyyy before love.

I love this site. It's so well laid out and the graphic and everything is perfect. It makes my layout look like crap *pushes layout into grabage can* Anyway, i love it.

the valen | 04/16/2003 09:01 PM CST

o.o poor lil khoa. if only we had met at Six Flags, i could have lifted your spirits with food and women and wine.

ehhhh another time perhaps :D

*wishes u luck in future friendships*

Kou | 04/15/2003 01:35 AM CST

Hiiiii!!!~~~ I like a lot this layout, is very sweet and pink! Ayumi ayumi-chan!

Suaiko | 04/15/2003 01:34 AM CST

Ohayo!

I just typed in 'Ayumi Hamasaki blogs' in Google and yours was the first one there, my friend. So I clicked it, since I am so obsessed with Ayu and not to mention BORED OUT OF MY FRIGGING MIND, and well--here I am, look at me...something-something--Uncle Moe...haha ^^*

Yes, well...I lost my friend, a close friend, a few months back, due to a guy. Normally peeps would say shit like "never let a guy come between friends", but..well, it happened. But, she had changed over the years of school, so I just ignored it.

She's a punk, actually, an I-N-D-I-V-I-D-U-A-L... so she requires tons of attention, mainly from the wrong crowd. I am not kicking myself about losing her as a friend--frankly I do not give two shits about it. ^_^

Wow...you so have to teach me how to do the things you did to your layouts. My layouts are lacking, buddy, they really are. I see Ayu or Gackt or some Jrock band is always in your layouts.

I only listen to Jpop/jrock/kpop/cpop, and I am Canadian. Odd. I loathe english music...ew. But my main fav singers/bands are: Gackt, HAL, Ayumi Hamasaki, Utada Hikaru, Kelly Chen, Aaron Kwok, Nicholas Tse, Faye Wong, & Two-Mix.

Are you into Final Fantasy?? (I would ask about Anime, but it seems somewhat obvious...)

Well, ja!

email me, or something, if you wouldn't mind it... ^^

~Suaiko

jill | 04/10/2003 08:01 PM CST

welcome back babe! *loves*

i missed u baby

mig | 04/06/2003 11:31 PM CST

eh lol ure back. *humps* xD
..and... er.. "Not paid either."
WTF?!?! xD

Hikari | 04/06/2003 12:35 PM CST

;_; Kwachama, I hope you feel better. ><;; And like that's the most I can say. I think that love is a complex thing that... happens naturally. And w/o someone 'pushing' for it. But there are times you have to ask questions to see where the whole relationship is sorta going. Technically what you did isn't wrong, probably for the better since you now know how things are rather than living in a surreal world. *hugs* I don't think that makes too much sense now.

Sammie | 04/06/2003 01:00 AM CST

AWWW KHOA! ::hugs:: Sorry for what has happened, hell i've been through it. I've lost two really good friends when I got into this deep relationship with them. Now when we pass by, no hi, no nothing. I hope everything gets better for you! I LUFF YOU KHOA! ::hands him a jug of ice cream:: this always help! ^_^

Khoa | 04/05/2003 11:21 PM CST

You're supposed to have went dodo!!! >: O Sir bed's waiting. Goo! Shooo! Dodo!

Lameass | 04/05/2003 09:56 PM CST

*kicks*

lameass and god will always be there for you, sir bear. you're awesome :D complimenting people is a lame way to make'em feel better.

*compliments you some more*

;.; i leave you with a *hug*

Khoa | 04/05/2003 07:53 PM CST

Hah... :P That'll take a while. ^^

Mana | 04/05/2003 07:48 PM CST

yaiiiiii im the first one to post :D:D

Mana (aka:god) | 04/05/2003 07:47 PM CST

AWHHHHHH *HUGGIE* GOd is here for you child!And lame ass is prolly still digesting her food =D ahem yeah ^^; so we want a perky werky kwa back soon ey ! ^__^ cheer up!You got great friends all around you!And you have god here watching over u!;D